I bet he still thinks I'm a Bitch In fact, I truly know it but i tried and tried to hard not feel and thus not show it
I know he wants to see me Burn for all my sin and my treason but I can still look back today and say I didn't leave him
I feel he feels that I'm a Whore and I never did the right thing but I can still hear the lightning that were held by my true words
But i tried... I always tried... ~~~~~~ I some times think about him. About how much he hates me. And I am waiting for the day that I will be ok with that. I did what I could and it was not enough. The friendship was doomed to begin with, any thing I did was glorified, then when he found out i was human... well a female for that matter, then all of a sudden I was a bitch, like everyone else. Anything I said was wrong, any thing I did was wrong. It was like I had someone else that said what I though about my self out loud. At the end I was a "backstabber" I "lied".
It was all bullsh*t really. I may still be depressed, I may still be a cutter, but atleaset I can see things for how they really were back then. It was not compleatly my fault.
I know I have not typed on here for a while Later on this week I shall make a new poem I feel the works forming inside my head.
Ok but I have big news!!! I am trying not 2 get 2 excited.... but My poem Winter Tree's the one from a few blogs posts ago might bepublished in a book!!! I am a semi-finalist in a contest. Isn't that sweet yoz!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok well if u have not read my poem, please do and tell me honestly if you think I have a chance!!!!!
Sitting legs crossed Upset with the sky Whisper here gently Forever I'll lie ~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm clawing on walls please set me free the messed up cycle just begging to breath
I'm clawing on walls stained my friends black ask me why ashamed, look back
I'm clawing on walls I miss your voice Bleeding again Wrong, right choice
I'm clawing on walls Please can't turn round you screamed for hope couldn't hear sound
I'm clawing on walls Your bad memory I did what I had to One day we'll see
Love me, Hate me, Kiss me, Stab One day hunny You'll respect my path
Faith in little Believe your lies Know in the end We at least tried.
Till we meet again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's been awhile huh peeps? Well here is the Serena update itz color coded so read what you want
One of my oldest bestfriend and I had a huge fall out about 2-3 months ago so I gained a wonderful boyfriend and lost a bestfriend that I have had for 3+ years? I'm sure he thinks I'm a bi*ch, but i know at the end of the day I did not pick Raymond (my bf) over my bestfriend or as he see's it former bestfriend. I wanted my bestfriend 2 get help... and I stick to the option that I don't have 2 date someone 2 be a goodfriend. Even if I am seen as the bi*ch at least I know I stuck 2 my guns... about taking his suicidal gun away. I hope one day he will see that.I miss him so much...
My exboyfriend that I had for 2 year is dating my friend (who is like my sister we have known each other for 15+ years). As a friend I have to get use to this. Everyone one thinks itz kinda fu*ked but who cares what people think. I know they really like each other. But there all lovely dovey around me, makes me feel weird. He hurt me really bad when we were together, she has hurt me alot because of some problem she had in the past... and I don't want them to hurt each other... sounds like a im in the middle of a rock and a hard place.
Boyfriend's exgirl friend is threatening to kill me. haa haa haa (nervous laughter). I have had to go to the police station 3 times and the homicide devistion twice. This is one unstable chick. I mean she has broken his window once and claims that Ima dead woman. Friday alone my friends and I counted she sent me 36 message all with in 10mins . She claims she knows where I live (which I don't believe) but epp. She has also threatened Raymonds family. She needs major help dude. Many people ask if he is worth it.... He is
ok i think I will stop typing now Peace love and soul all! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She holds on To a broken string Sky so black Your screams ring
Six feet grounded I'd love to fly But in that mist I know you'll die
So I stay bloody On hands and knees I'll be waiting Till winters leaves
Hole in the clouds
Dark in the sun
Spin me round
Reaper let me run
Hold me close
Your blood will spill
But tell me who
You'll really kill
Yells fall Deaf ear listen I whisper sweet death Eyes shan't glisten
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So Serena life update...
Status-
Apatite- Minimal Family- Emotional... Great Friends- Horrid Health- Suitable Relationship- Excellent School- Average Sleep- Dreadful Work- Alright
I've been fu*king up a lot when it comes to my friendships lately. My moves are shaky I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, or if I'm completely wrong with my actions. I want to put my foot down I don't want to be punked around anymore by friends, my nice nature can be such a weakness... and me being emotional is always my down fall.
I need me time I need 2 think, I'm feeling a lot of pressure I'm going to bust....
My twin sister just moved to Australia for 10 months *tear* I really miss her...
My friend Raymond asked me out early Thursday, I said yes, I've been single for over a year... I've wanted 2 be single, haven't been ready 2 be with anyone... I'm still not ready... but he just fits and I think he can help me more then hurt me... wish me luck
